foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
