3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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