is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
