Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Come on in and take your pants off
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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