MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
