I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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