we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
