The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
