i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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