I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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