I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize