I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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