good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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