You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i think i just lost a toe
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