Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
