I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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