dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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