Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize