I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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