is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
