The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Congratulations! We have a period
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