things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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