I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Rumble strips road head = magical
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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