i don't like sucking hair
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
