I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Green mimosas i think yes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
