how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
