I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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