If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
