This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
