You don't have asthma, your pregnant
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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