I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
