what day is it and did you see me today?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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