Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
