no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
