either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
