I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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