Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
