The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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