is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
where am i from again
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
