Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
