I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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