Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
