Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
