Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
