Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
