Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
