About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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