Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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