let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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