I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found puke in my bra..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
