Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
