Moan for me like Helen Keller
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
