true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
