The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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