if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
