Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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