Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
