I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
