you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
