I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
