there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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