So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
