Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
