i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
