goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
