thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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