So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
