U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
