the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
