I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
